Here at the end of all things..

Did I fall off the face of the Earth? Well, I sort of did. I had to stop raiding with Malicious in August, because my work hours changed. In November I came down with H1N1, got pneumonia in both lungs, and ended up in a two week coma.

I think that's a pretty good excuse, don't you?

I'm not here to tell you about all the fun adventures I've had raiding again. I'm here to wrap it all up, so to speak. It always sort of bugged me I had to leave this hanging.

I canceled my account (some number we won't mention) years to the day exactly after I started it. Part of it is, well, comas ain't cheap, son! The second part is, I really feel like I've grown too far away from it.

And really, I don't mean to say 'grown away' as 'grown up to better things' - I really hated this attitude from people when I still played - I just can't see myself being that into it any more. I've grown apart from all the buddies I used to consider myself tight with in-game. There are those I still keep up with on things like Facebook, but WoW is hardly a topic.

Due to one's brain being swiss cheese memory wise after a coma, I've spent a lot of time going back through old Phoenix forum threads and my old posts here. I have come to the following conclusions:

- I was a pretty crabby bitchy chick. I feel like I have been apologising for my former self way too much lately. Sorry again!
- My ability to gossip is amazing.
- I don't know if I was ever as good a [class here] as I thought I was.
- I fucking loved this game and (most!) of the people I played with.

The Phoenix recently had its 2nd Birthday. Its former GM left a post to mark the occasion with the line 'it's been a fun social experiment to watch it'. And while I'm not exactly sure how to interpret that line (why you mad tho, Amora?), it's definitely been something for the past two-three years.

I really did love raiding. That's why this started in the first place! My partner and I would talk about this damn game all the time. We'd look forward to going home and beating up some monsters. We've had epic arguments over WoW. We were just so enamoured with this game and the people we played with. Getting hooked on an MMO and spending a couple years of your life entrenched in the game and the people you play with is definitely an Experience.

I wouldn't say a Bad Experience, either. A lot of people walk away bitter from the game. I am choosing to view my hardcore playing and raiding experience as a good one. I had the opportunity to meet a lot of cool people. In its own way, The Phoenix was a its own little support system. Maybe, maybe, like a very dysfunctional family from some points of view.

We had people fall in love, or get married. Have kids. Buy houses. Go off to war. Get in car accidents. Have surgeries. Comas. Die.

I was talking to someone the other day about WoW in general, and they said to me, "I guess we all never realised what a special place The Phoenix was until we left it."

Which, yes, I definitely agree with! You were fun, Malicious, but you didn't have Papa Bears or the soothing voice of Carl Sagan leading your raids. I didn't watch you do an Irish jig or hear very embarrassing stories of your past in person. I have enough blackmail material to last me for years, truly.

The things I do remember the most:
- The constant razzing between a group of gentlemen from upstate New York.
- I really did love Black Temple.
- Certain people getting certain complexes over certain bossfights.
- Things I really wanted and got, and those I didn't. Serious, that idol never ever ever dropped for me.
- Long hilarious vent conversations about nothing.
- This list would get ridiculously long if I mentioned all the high points.

Last night, I went on my first and last trip to ICC. I was extremely nervous, like it was my first raid! The raid itself was 3/4 people who had been in the very first guild I ever joined before The Watchmen/Phoenix. At least two of us (myself and our friend who works with us) had never set foot in ICC, and we were like kids in a candy store. Or maybe bulls in a china shop. It was a nice feeling of nostalgia. I even giggled when they started playing the blame game ("Well I don't know what those two were doing, but I was out of mana!") over wipes. It was, ah, I can't describe it. A good time. A nice way to 'go out'.

The Phoenix has changed enormously since its inception, but I'm happy it's still around. I think, under all the new people, there's still a strong undercurrent of what it was based on. I think it's still 'special', and I'm glad to know people will still benefit from it.

By the end of next week, my account will be dormant. I have an RAF account pumped with Christmastime gamecards that I do intend to play at my own very casual pace, because I still really do love the game. I don't really have a doubt that when Cataclysm rolls around, I'll give that try, too. But, it's time to say goodbye to hardcore playing. With that goes this blog, too.

Goodbye, raiding life! You were really something. I don't think we'll ever meet again, but I am happy to have known you. Stay strong, Phoenix! You can't get rid of me permanently, I'll still be around here and there. And goodbye, bloggers 'o Azeroth, though I hardly think you know I exist anymore. It was a fun ride.

My opinionz, let me share them with you.

Hello, my name is Jive. I'm an outstanding healer, a terrible DPSer, and I raid a lot.

The above sentence might have meant something if you've been following recent kerfluffles and if I wasn't too lazy to continue..

But, you guys..

Blizzard just said I could be all those things and have a pony.. errr.. be a Tauren!

TO THE GROUND, BA-- wait, what?

3.2 Patch Notes Are Out!

No, I 'm not going to go in-depth to the current coming Priest changes.

But I will say after hearing about the beatstick Paladins got (seals removed what), I was afraid to look.

I'd just like to point out one thing.

Inspiration: The buff from this ability now reduces the physical damage taken by the target by 3/7/10% instead of increasing the target's armor.

So, this means.. let's see..

An opening Inner Focus'd Flash Heal behind a PW: Shield can almost guarantee a 13% (not forgetting 3% from Renewed Hope!) damage reduction right off the bat. That is, if you prefer Inner Focus on your Flash. I personally use it on Penance, but perhaps for heavy handed bosses I'd make a shift modifier for my Flash.

Crazy. Do I really expect this to go through? Probably not.. but if it does I don't expect it to stay long.

Does lag affect your DPS?

Many people, including myself, are behind the Blizzard technology curve. Sure, WoW's minimum requirements are ridiculously low, but they are just that - minimum requirements!

Maybe you adapted like I did. I created a spell rotation macro, and became spot on at focusing directly at my feet in two swings of the mouse. Who the hell cares what's on the other side of that blue fog anyways. I didn't really need to see the Greater Heal turntable spell effect to know it was going off.

And Dalaran? Fuck, Dalaran didn't exist.

Perhaps, in extreme cases like mine, you snapped and spent a whole lot of money on a nice new laptop.

However.

I'm here to warn you that your lag, while gone, will not be forgotten! It will still effect your DPS, if you let it! Witness!

Jive's Foolproof Method Into Convincing Your Entire Guild Purchasing A Laptop Was A Bad Idea

1(a). It's All Very Shiny
Iron Council's room looks really cool, you know? So do spell effects, when you can afford to turn them on high. While Rune of Power is an amazingly calm shade of blue, and it is in your best interest to stare at it. Rune of Death and Lightning Tendrils are also very nice eyecandy.

Especially when you're supposed to be DPSing.

1(b). VERY SHINY!
Yes, Virginia, there's even neat designs on the ceilings, and we recommend turning the camera upwards while scrambling to look at it all the event you a) aggro trash b) aggro bosses c) run headfirst into a wall for a full minute, looking like a dumbass.

2. Be Unfashionable
Did you know that the Priest Tier 8.5 robes actually have some neat designs on them? Once you realise this, you might start pulling out gear you only thought of as a swirly red/blue/black blob. However, as the rest of the raid would like to, you know, get on with their raid, you'll probably forget to take it off again. That's all right, because even with 2% hit and 10k health, you'll be the most stylish one there!

3. Revert to Old Habits
You might have been excited over being able to SEE FOREVER (echo echo echo..), but as a creature of habit, you'll ruin this the moment you enter combat. Spend a full 30 seconds fighting with yourself over zooming in and out on your toes. The image of you stutter stepping back and forth while going "NOYESNOYES" over camera view will entertain the raid immensely.

You may have decided to go back to doing your rotation by hand. Congratulations! However, this means you'll still hit the wrong key out of habit, and completely destroy your rotation in the end. But, really, who needs more then 50% VT uptime? Not you!

4. Really Piss Your Raid Off
You've spent the night crashing into walls, pulling extra mobs, dancing in place, and wearing a (stylish!) clownsuit. Your next step would be to combine all of these during a progression fight. Let's say.. Mimiron. Somehow, throughout it all, you've managed to survive to Phase 4! As your raid dies off one by one, keep it up!

And even though you have accidentally canceled Shadowform and tried to sic your Shadowfiend on the tank, somehow your raid will be amazed (& angry!) that you are one of three DPS left standing, and kill the boss!

Loot Council vs DKP

I've seen and heard a lot of back and forth about Loot Systems lately. It's made me think about my experiences with Loot Systems in general, so now I will talk about them!

My last guild ran on silent bid DKP auctions for loot, using the same values as Death and Taxes. It was a system brought over from Phoenix's previous incarnation. Having spent two years using that system, it was a little weird to leave it.

My new guild is run on Loot Council. Over the past couple weeks, I've watched my own reactions and opinions of the different systems change.

The Pros of DKP:
- Instant Gratification. I didn't have to explain myself or wait for another group of people to decide if I deserved that piece. I could simply label it as 'mine' and be done with it.

- When Opportunity Knocks.. There have been a few times, especially with weapons, that we only saw 1-2 drops of in Phoenix. Being a solid raider meant having the DKP pool to snatch it up when it did drop. Who knew we'd only ever get two Torches, or two Apostle of Argus? Spending a ton on my Torch and Argus(es, long story!) ensured I'd have one.

- Even If I Don't Want It.. So many times, I heard the phrase "Make them pay for it" and "If you want this too, I'll make you for it!" It was a reference to holding out a large amount of DKP until a contested item dropped, and either spending or pretending to spend a huge amount to make another person drop their DKP pool for it. I purposely remember going "all in" on a few pieces, or saying I was, just to be absolutely sure I got said item, or that my fellow casters would be in a bigger hole.

Which, looking over, sort of makes me look like a douchebag for liking those things about the system. But, I insist, the system worked for The Phoenix for many years, for many of these reasons. It was supported by a large raid team, where competition like that was welcome.

With Malicious, however..


The Pros of Loot Council:
- Rethinking it. Let's be honest, how many times have you picked up something that looks like a huge upgrade, only to find out you can't make it work? The Loot Council knows exactly what you've been interested in, so you'd better be pretty damn sure (and honest) with the tell you're putting in. Hmm, maybe that [Golden Widget] doesn't look so shiny now, does it?

- What're You Wearing? I've seen plenty of my Best in Slot list drop, but I find myself looking at other raider's gear more. A 3.0 BiS to 3.1 BiS upgrade for me isn't going to have the same punch as it is for someone else who never saw a Torch or Arcanic Tramplers. Though it may never drop again, I can get my ups somewhere else, so it's all right to let it ride and simply not send a tell.

- Thank You! The strangest, and possibly biggest thing I like about Malicious' loot council.. everyone says Thank You. There's also a round of congrats whenever someone is awarded a piece. While a small detail in retrospect, those two words bring home the point that raiding is a group effort. When I say "Thanks, Malicious!", I see it as thanking everyone for showing up and paying attention, and thank you for giving me this piece. With a small raid team, a little thanks and gratz goes a long way.

Not exactly alike, but the same enough..:
- I'm Waiting.. As expected, there were a lot of bids for new tier tokens and 'hot' items like weapons and trinkets. With Loot Council it's exactly the same, but with tells. Both guilds have been using their systems for about the same length, and as such, I find neither is really faster. It's pretty neck and neck.

- My Spidey Senses Tingle.. I think in most cases, both systems would end with the same person getting the same loot. Priest A who's always in attendance would have the DKP to buy [Golden Widget], would probably be awarded the same piece with loot council. However, does it mean the systems are interchangable? No.

- It's Not Perfect! And really, I don't think any loot system is. It goes back to it being impossible to completely satisfy 25+ different personalities. With DKP, there was always worry about attendance and accumulation, and was it fair if someone could bomb outbid you. With Loot Council, though I haven't seen it (yet?), it's naive to think there isn't some QQ behind the scenes over so-and-so getting the [Golden Widget] over someone else.


Because all this waxing poetic about loot systems comes down to..
Does the guild fit the system? And I do not mean this vice-versa.

I don't mean that large raid team = DKP/small raid team = loot council, either.

There's a million systems out there, and they are all customisable. A small raid team can bend a DKP or EG/GP system to their liking, and a large guild can run a large Loot Council. It comes down to the personalities in said guild, and what they feel most comfortable with. What's the mentality? And, in reality, what's going to satisfy the majority of the raid team?

For some reason, I've seen this topic spark emotions not unlike 'casual vs hardcore' and other hot WoW topics, so feel free to discuss here. Tell me why I'm wrong, or share about your loot system. I'm genuinely interested!

R.I.P. Christopher Hauck, AKA Taymar

Monday, May 11, just a day after Mother's Day and his birthday, Taymar left this world finally. I can only hope he was at peace, and that he wasn't in any pain or discomfort after his accident to the end.

I thought I had made my own peace with it, but I'm still very sad. I guess I had hoped there was a miracle in the cards, but it just wasn't meant to be. I told my partner I was upset the most over the fact that even though we hadn't talked in a few months, everyone expected him to come back.

We all knew he was near us and we talked a lot about him, just sort of expecting him to show up one day and we'd all tell him how much we'd missed him. Everytime The Phoenix was up against particularly nasty boss, someone would always say, "We need Taymar!" Then, out of nowhere the opportunity is ripped away and there's so much left unsaid.

Taymar and I didn't get along very well most of the time. While not quite oil and water, maybe like oil and vinegar. It separates, but mix it up and it becomes pretty tasty. We used to fight tooth and nail over "what being a good mage" meant, and boy was it a pain to get him to polymorph when there was DPS to be done! Don't even get me started about hit rating fight in BC. There was no end to it.

But still, he was a kind person. He was always excited about his Mage, the game, and his life, that it was hard not to be excited with him. He was always pretty cheery. Except for when he ranted about Death Knights, though. Those just pissed him off.

My first memories of him were doing guild PvP with the Watchmen, and how much I liked being part of the 'roving kill band' with him in AB. Later this would progress to WSG, which I still consider to be his battleground. Even before the accident, everytime I'd gone to WSG after he left the game, if I ever saw an Ice Barrier fly by out of the corner of my eye as a mage jumped off the Alliance balcony.. I'd think of him, and what a shame it was he wasn't here to play anymore. He loved to divebomb people from there.

At the Guild Party last year, our GM also hosted a D&D game. I'd never seen D&D played before, so I watched for a while before going upstairs and leaving the guys to 'their thing'. When it ended, they all came upstairs to tell us how Taymar had killed the 'final boss' (aptly named Kael'thas!) by using his character skills to just.. push Kael through a portal. Just like that! And that's just the type of guy he was, always thinking outside the box.

There are so many more little moments I remember, but it seems cheap to list them all here.

Over the past 24 hours people have been sharing thoughts and memories about him here.

I wasn't sure how to end this post without reverting back to my former Mage self.. they're really prone to tears, you know? I will miss him. My thoughts are with his family now. I'm going to hug my loved ones extra tight tonight, I suggest you do the same.

In closing, I'm going to share a piece of Christopher with you not even most of The Phoenix knew about. While we spent a lot of time complaining about his horrid mic.. he had such an amazing voice on the other side of it.

What to do, what to say..

There is really no cute way to say this.

Today, a member of The Phoenix died.

He was not actively playing with us - he'd left the game a few months ago with his brother. Still, his cousin played, and we all asked about him every few weeks. He was not 'gone' to us. Infact, several of us were just waiting on his return. He'd be back eventually.. it is called Warcrack for a reason.

In a strange, terrible accident, he fell off a ladder while painting and hit the back of his head. He never woke up. As of writing this he remains alive, but braindead.

From about ten minutes after I started my day, until now, I have been switching modes from bawling my eyes out, to mother henning. I spoke to his brother and his cousin throughout the day, dutifully fed everyone I could find updates as they came, and wondered what the fuck any of us were really supposed to do.

It's a horrible and helpless feeling when something so like this happens. To be completely frank, he was 'dead' the moment his head hit the floor - there was nothing any of us could do for him. But our hearts still ache. We are still angry we lost this person. We twist ourselves into knots trying to think of ways to really, really comfort his brother and cousin.

I am writing about this not only to tell the world about the loss of a great man, but to also point out - sometimes, this isn't just a game. There are relationships that you make that will effect you much deeper than you think.

While it may be a game we played simply to progress, we still played it with him. Many of us for years. Some of us had even met him in person at various guild parties or chatted with him on the phone. We still sat in vent long hours in vent shooting the shit or PvPing together.

Today, while bawling our eyes out to each other, someone said to me "I don't know what to do. I've never had virtual friends before."

And that is really the point I'm trying to make: while the people you play with may be 'virtual', they'll get into your head and heart eventually. You may think so-and-so is a bitch and you just really want to slam someone's forehead on the Tear's key. They might never ever be your bestest friend - but appreciate them, while you have them with you.

How am I doing? Well. I'm angry and I don't understand how one bad fall could mean my friend is really gone, but he is.

I will remember all the good times I had with him. When I first joined the guild we were in prior to The Phoenix, he would talk at me for hours on vent. That boy could really move his mouth. I will remember how he laughed at us for getting into an accident driving to the guild party, and how he pointed out there was still the other car's paint on our car and tried to smear bug guts over it so it wouldn't show. I will remember how he would tear up Warsong Gulch in our premades while I healed him. WSG will always be 'his' battleground, to me.

How he was very successful in his own life, and always so driven to do his very best in and out of WoW.

How even though he was very straight and narrow, he had a cheeky side and would always make the worst dirty joke possible just to get a rise out of me.

And how no matter how many mics he bought, he always sounded like he was in a weather helicopter on vent.

I'll miss you, Taymar.